“Teach Me How to Flirt”

I was shocked and speechless as her words echoed through the phone that day. The lady who called me with this request is a very successful businesswoman. I didn’t answer her immediately. But here she came again, “I'm serious. I want you to teach me how to flirt. You Southern women must have this etched into your DNA and I want to learn from the best.”

I did not miss it the second time. It was loud and clear, woman to woman, that this was a call for help. Even then, these words came tumbling out of my mouth, “You want me to do WHAT?!” She responded for the third time with the same request. She most definitely wanted to learn the centuries-old, wily art of Southern flirting.  

I could not understand her dilemma when she first approached me. Truthfully, I do not fully understand it now. Doesn’t every woman alive know how to wink, smile, and glance over her shoulder at a man for a little harmless flirting? Wasn’t softness, a sassy attitude and enduring strength encoded into every woman’s DNA?

This experience taught me..absolutely, NOT!

If Southern women instinctively know how to flirt, and honey, we DO know how to flirt, then how and where did we learn? It caused me to mentally go back to the lazy days of childhood when I was learning and soaking up everything from the women around me. They all knew the art so well. How it tickled me with joy to bring up those memories.  

I was raised at the knee of goddesses. Female superheroes of their day. Women who often found a way to get what they needed and mostly what they wanted by their sheer elegance and grace. They were strong souls, but always the lady. Observing them flirt was more instructive than a Vanderbilt University course in human relations. 

The movie “Steel Magnolias” is a typical depiction of women in the South. The lady who approached me to help her had no idea about this type of beauty and grace. She had already secured her financial future by owning apartment buildings in the Fresno area in California. 

Her life had become hard as steel with no beautiful Magnolia flower in sight. She was unhappy and out of balance in her relationships. She was searching for the flower in herself and in her life.

The first time we spoke, she blew right past my statement that this would be her most significant learning curve yet. I even told her that she was NOT a good candidate for this type of coaching. She acted like I had not said a word. In her mind, nothing was stopping her! 

I happily accepted the challenge and looked forward to this coaching experience. And then…whoa-horse -whoa, buckle-up and pump-your-brakes! She never missed a beat as she blew the barn doors open with her forceful personality. She was forecful telling me everything she thought she knew about men and relationships - what worked and what didn’t work. 

I took the time to practice breathing and repeating affirmations to center myself. As I breathed deeply, I said to myself, “Ok, Jinger, this is Grace Driven Leaders, and she is going to learn this. No, she is not too far gone to learn the art of flirting.”

To my surprise, slowly but surely, she began to listen, learn and apply her newfound knowledge. It was remarkable to see her focus on each lesson with the same diligence as she did her business. She began to understand she had lost something very dear in the process of building her empire. She lost her female sensuality. She walked into a male-dominated world and as a result, she became harsh and unyielding along the way to becoming successful. It had taken the toll on her feminine soul. 

Thankfully, this story has a delightful ending. It didn’t matter where this powerhouse had been raised or where she lived in the present. She found the man of her dreams and became his “Steel Magnolia” in California.  

One lady to another, I am thrilled for her and for any woman who reclaims the joy in their life. A lady who knows just the right shade of red lipstick to wear. It's a sight to behold!

You must begin somewhere. What are you waiting for?  

Ok, sugar-foot, I am going to the garden to pick Gardenias for tonight’s dinner table. I’ll see you next week for more adventures from the deep South. 

Until then, you just remember: A wink, a smile and a soft word will calm the beast in most any man.

When… you know how to do it “juuust right!” 

Roaring Softly, 

Jinger, My Husband’s Queen