Timelines, Seasons and Limitations

“My life is good…isn’t it?” I have a loving marriage and all the boys are doing well. By society’s markers and checklists, my life is good - even great! Then, like a thief in the night, sneaky and insidious, my mind is filled with disturbing thoughts. Real joy killers that offer no solutions. What to do with all the free time? Where do I direct the energy so joyfully spent in the midst of school events and ballgames? In the blink of an eye, my life had changed. 

Your nest may not be empty. You may still have the satisfaction and safety of a jam-packed calendar. You may wake up with an exhausted excitement for new events in the day.  Looking back, I wondered what might have prepared me for the void in this season of life. It seemed that in an instant, my boys were grown and the future was unknown. It was a little bit scary too.  Even a small amount of preparation would have gone a long way. 

The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of you, but those who

 win battles you never knew they faced. 

Uncomfortable? That’s an understatement. There was no high, no low and nowhere else to go, except inside the heart to find out just who you are. What to do next and how to feel about it remained elusive. So, with raw emotions and denial in full swing, I made a decision! I would visit my oldest son. Yes, I would go to the Big Sky country – Montana - where it seems you can reach up with your fingertips and touch the Milky Way. 

While visiting him in a little town that Anthony Bordain made famous on his network show, the most unusual thing interrupted our conversation. I was soaking up the mountain view, sitting on a barstool dreaming Anthony might walk in. When deep inside, the spirit moved. 

The bartender looked my way when the ice rattled in my empty drink. He thought I was asking for a refill. A quick shake of my head and I stood up to declare, “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GET OLD!” Timelines split and bumped together. Suddenly I could understand the answer to my tension, malaise and confusion. Discovering the power of this ‘critical truth’ was, I dare say, life-changing.

It seemed too simple. I began to fervently pray this question, “As humans, are we simply “programmed” to expect physical and mental decline? Is it some unwritten rule that we expect it without questioning the options that might be available? Without expanding vision, opening the heart and mind to receive all that God has for us?” I prayed to my source, to God, to open my heart for growth to help others. Outside of my family again. 

What hurts you also blesses you. 

Darkness is your candle. 

- Rumi

There are great gifts in each passage of life. Perhaps you feel it is not enough to just help one person?  Remember that one starfish out of thousands on the beach that you put back in the ocean? It’s certainly better to help one than not helping at all. There are billions of people on this planet! Of those billions, how many people want to stay healthy and look, feel and live young? 

It's about reconnecting to life's purpose and passion. Stop living in life's limitations. Who put those around your life anyway? It's about staying vibrant to meet new friends, no matter what age. 

Now Sugarfoot, you do have a choice. I don’t know how to get old and now I realize I don’t have to live this "old" stereotype. Of course, body parts wear out, but you can get those fixed. And the energy level may not top out like when you were twenty. But a life lived in wisdom is a vibrant life. 

In the South, there are three great secrets in a woman's life. 

1) The surgeon who can see your vision for yourself:)

2) A little dress shop that has great fashion, but it is not expensive. 

3) A family recipe handed down for generations. 

It's good to have a collection of something girlie girl too. Something that will lift your spirit every time you walk by, see it and enjoy it.  I collect angels. And I believe in miracles. My prayer for you is, "there is more’ for those who seek it. The angels say that this is truth!

There are timelines and seasons in your life. Live the one you are in. The darkness will take your NOW by having you lament over the past or pour all your energy into what you are planning for your future. You don't know what is going to happen in the months to come. Who knew our schools would be closed because of a pandemic? COVID19? Or that you would be wearing a mask into the grocery store? 

The "fountain of youth" can come in many forms in your life. So far, an actual fountain of youth hasn't been found. If there truly is a physical fountain, look no further than somewhere in the South! Life, love and strength flow through our veins. It is a lifeforce handed down from generation to generation. 

My elegant grandmother would always say, "Things aren't like they used to be. And they never were. What seems like Heaven to you may be Hell to another person." 

Being young at heart is the absolute best way to overcome illness and/or to stay healthy. Or to help you and your family through a difficult time. Always have friends that are different ages. Different points of view keep the mind fresh. 

How many want to stop letting society's expectations limit their lives? I mean, really...is there more out there? I believe there is. 

Do these words stir your Spirit? If so, you could have a bright shining coaching experience!

Are you ready to live the life of “staying vibrant?”

I believe in you.

With Love, 

Staying Vibrant!

Jinger

“All I Ever Wanted to Be was a Milk and Cookie Grandma”

No one knew I love to write. It is my true purpose in life. I have always loved the written word, but I put it on the back-burner years ago. I had another plan that was not God’s plan. Dangerous ground to walk on my darlin’ ladies (and gents). I had a purpose without a plan. God was not in it. It quickly turned into an illusion and began fading out of sight.

Keep in mind, we mourn the past because the investment we made does not

 yield the return we expected.

Here are my faded, and renewed, dreams…may it create a fire in your soul to pick up the pieces of a broken dream and begin again. 

It is true, year after year, decade after decade my dream was to be a “milk and cookies grandma.” Even to the point of selling everything and relocating to be closer to the grandchildren.  It was my dream to be waiting at the bus stop every day with milk and cookies when they got off the bus. I wanted to love them, help them with their homework, and take them to ball practice. 

Nothing could stop me from wanting…waiting…wanting this “dream” to come true. Long-suffering and the eternal optimist, I ignored the signs and the apparent cracks forming in the foundation of my dream. No matter, it still came as a shock when I realized it was not to be.

Instead of the dream coming true, life happened. Jobs changed, and divorces occurred with spouses who took the children out of state. And that is the broad stroke of the tsunami that hit our family. The “dream” of being surrounded by grandchildren who lived close was rolling down the interstate. It had U-Haul written on the back of the truck. 

There is an old southern saying, “Don’t beat a dead horse.” I began to laugh when I thought of how many times I heard this growing up. My spirit lifted as I found humor in how I had “whooped” on that poor dead horse…for years. 

Another saying my good Episcopalian Grandmother would say to me is, “When God closes a door, He always opens a window. When He does Sug-ah, you be ready to fly.” 

When I thought of that wisdom, a fountain of excitement began to bubble up in my spirit. I remembered how she encouraged me to write. It took me back to a wonderful time and place when all things were fresh and new. When my cousin and I made frequent trips to the big house for a visit. The big house was where my Grandmother and Grandfather lived.

It had a huge magnolia tree in the front yard where my cousin and I spent hours climbing those big branches amid the huge magnolia blossoms. We would leave the big house surrounded by the aroma of those hardy but delicate flowers.

The big event was when Grandmother would fill two of her purses with candy, lipsticks, makeup, and little games. We could not wait to riffle through those purses discovering all the girlie treasures that were waiting on us! We always left happy, consuming the candy she had lovingly placed in those purses.

She put a five-dollar bill in there too. Our little hands would be busy racing to see who would find theirs first. I always found my money wrapped around a glitter pen. I have often thought these long years after, that it was her way of saying, “Virginia Mae, always remember to write.”  

A new life began to flow through my spirit as I recalled these times growing up. The happiness that occurred in my soul erupted into laughter.  Southern women don’t pull themselves up by the bootstraps, we learn to laugh as we “clean it up” to begin stronger than before. I had been sad for too long. It felt incredible to laugh again.

After prayer and a bit of contemplation, it became clear that I had found a new purpose. This time, the mission had a plan. With a keen desire, my grandmother’s encouragement, and a glitter pen, I began to write again. 

Now, I write about my deep south experiences and how they have fashioned me to become the southern lady I am today. And I would not trade it, or them, for all the brown sugar brownies and banana pudding I could eat. The memories mean all world to me…  

So, sugar-foot, do not give up on “all” your dreams, when one does not come true. No matter how much time and energy you put into it. If you look, you may find a hidden gem, a dream that is ready to be resurrected. 

And don’t kick up a fuss and act like a donkey when you do not get what you want! If you are blessed to live life, there will be many times you will need to course-correct yourself and go down a different path.

By the way, we do get to see and keep the grandchildren! I adore every moment with them. 

Oooh, I think I hear my sweet husband bringing me a fresh, steaming cup of coffee.  

He is going to get a big hug for sure!

 

Sinking into Pink Floral Pillows on My Chair with Glitter Pen in Hand,

Jinger, My Husband’s Queen

“Teach Me How to Flirt”

I was shocked and speechless as her words echoed through the phone that day. The lady who called me with this request is a very successful businesswoman. I didn’t answer her immediately. But here she came again, “I'm serious. I want you to teach me how to flirt. You Southern women must have this etched into your DNA and I want to learn from the best.”

I did not miss it the second time. It was loud and clear, woman to woman, that this was a call for help. Even then, these words came tumbling out of my mouth, “You want me to do WHAT?!” She responded for the third time with the same request. She most definitely wanted to learn the centuries-old, wily art of Southern flirting.  

I could not understand her dilemma when she first approached me. Truthfully, I do not fully understand it now. Doesn’t every woman alive know how to wink, smile, and glance over her shoulder at a man for a little harmless flirting? Wasn’t softness, a sassy attitude and enduring strength encoded into every woman’s DNA?

This experience taught me..absolutely, NOT!

If Southern women instinctively know how to flirt, and honey, we DO know how to flirt, then how and where did we learn? It caused me to mentally go back to the lazy days of childhood when I was learning and soaking up everything from the women around me. They all knew the art so well. How it tickled me with joy to bring up those memories.  

I was raised at the knee of goddesses. Female superheroes of their day. Women who often found a way to get what they needed and mostly what they wanted by their sheer elegance and grace. They were strong souls, but always the lady. Observing them flirt was more instructive than a Vanderbilt University course in human relations. 

The movie “Steel Magnolias” is a typical depiction of women in the South. The lady who approached me to help her had no idea about this type of beauty and grace. She had already secured her financial future by owning apartment buildings in the Fresno area in California. 

Her life had become hard as steel with no beautiful Magnolia flower in sight. She was unhappy and out of balance in her relationships. She was searching for the flower in herself and in her life.

The first time we spoke, she blew right past my statement that this would be her most significant learning curve yet. I even told her that she was NOT a good candidate for this type of coaching. She acted like I had not said a word. In her mind, nothing was stopping her! 

I happily accepted the challenge and looked forward to this coaching experience. And then…whoa-horse -whoa, buckle-up and pump-your-brakes! She never missed a beat as she blew the barn doors open with her forceful personality. She was forecful telling me everything she thought she knew about men and relationships - what worked and what didn’t work. 

I took the time to practice breathing and repeating affirmations to center myself. As I breathed deeply, I said to myself, “Ok, Jinger, this is Grace Driven Leaders, and she is going to learn this. No, she is not too far gone to learn the art of flirting.”

To my surprise, slowly but surely, she began to listen, learn and apply her newfound knowledge. It was remarkable to see her focus on each lesson with the same diligence as she did her business. She began to understand she had lost something very dear in the process of building her empire. She lost her female sensuality. She walked into a male-dominated world and as a result, she became harsh and unyielding along the way to becoming successful. It had taken the toll on her feminine soul. 

Thankfully, this story has a delightful ending. It didn’t matter where this powerhouse had been raised or where she lived in the present. She found the man of her dreams and became his “Steel Magnolia” in California.  

One lady to another, I am thrilled for her and for any woman who reclaims the joy in their life. A lady who knows just the right shade of red lipstick to wear. It's a sight to behold!

You must begin somewhere. What are you waiting for?  

Ok, sugar-foot, I am going to the garden to pick Gardenias for tonight’s dinner table. I’ll see you next week for more adventures from the deep South. 

Until then, you just remember: A wink, a smile and a soft word will calm the beast in most any man.

When… you know how to do it “juuust right!” 

Roaring Softly, 

Jinger, My Husband’s Queen